


six seconds and my whole world changed.

by cinnamonlix (bokuqka)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gang Violence, Graphic Description, Grief/Mourning, Gun Violence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Suicide Attempt, changbin emotionally angry boi, jeongin is bad but its bc he scared dont hate him, literally its all angst and im not even sorry, this is devastating im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:28:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21878167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokuqka/pseuds/cinnamonlix
Summary: changbin thought he’d spend his life with felix.but six nauseating seconds took away his future and suddenly, felix wasn’t there anymore.and the following six minutes - changbin felt every inch of pain he’d ever endured, all at once.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	six seconds and my whole world changed.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is a short one-shot i wrote because i love angst <33
> 
> it’s slightly devastating; death is HEAVILY involved and discussed, please be careful if it triggers you 
> 
> IMPORTANT  
> i don’t know if i tagged it correctly, but a graphic description of a fatal gunshot wound is included so please don’t read ahead if it triggers you
> 
> thank you for reading! 
> 
> follow my twitter @KISSESLIX for more aus

“jeongin, come on. you’re too close to the water.” felix almost whispered, afraid the volume of his voice would shatter the fragile boy who shakingly teetered on the edge of the pier. jeongin’s eyes drowned in fearful tears; he was _scared_ , but looked so desperate for the monster of the sea to take him. he looked down at the thrashing water practically beneath him and gulped, staring deep into the waves as if trying to tell them to engulf his body so he didn’t have to jump in himself.

“jeongin! please, get away.” felix rose his voice, only slightly, but enough to snap jeongin out of it - and apparently, scare him into a defence. within a split second, jeongin harshly ripped the gun he had hidden in his back pocket and pointed it at the purple haired boy in front of him - placing his finger on the trigger to intimidate felix, like chan had taught him to.

changbin, who had kept his distance previously, perked up at this and inched closer, fear evident in his eyes. he studied jeongin’s eyes as he aimed the killer at his boyfriend’s face, and almost chuckled. he wasn’t going to shoot felix. he didn’t have the _guts_ to.

“hey...jeongin...lets calm down, yeah?” jeongin only let the tears burn his skin as they ran down his cheeks, listening to felix’s words with ears that had become tired. felix sounded panicked, seeming breathless with the danger of a gun in his face - one wrong move and his best friend could kill him in an instant.

changbin watched the scene and began to relax - chan was going to be here soon to calm jeongin down, and then they could all go home safely. him and felix could finish their date they were rushed out of - and finally have the alone time they craved.

“no, felix! you just don’t get it! you just don’t- fucking get it!” jeongin screamed hysterically, eyes red and puffy but brutally streaming painful tears. he thrashed around in his own body; uncomfortable and trapped. jeongin seemed mad, but to felix, he was tired. tired of the world.

the wind picked up, dramatically so, and changbin wrapped his leather jacket tighter around his body, trapping in the warmth. but neither other boys flinched, too immersed in their tears.

“innie..please. don’t do this to me.” felix whispered, crying too now, furiously wiping his cheek that his tears had painted. and jeongin - well, jeongin screamed.

in frustration, in anger - at everything and everyone. the world, his friends, strangers. everyone. he _hated_ it all. he hated being trapped.

“why shouldn’t i? why shouldn’t i get to be happy? you’re happy! changbins happy! hell, even chan is too! but me? im fucking miserable. so don’t tell me what to do when you have _no_ idea how it feels.” jeongin cried and he cried, lowering the gun for a second as he prioritised his emotions - changbin took the chance to dive forward and try to disarm the young boy.

but he failed, and payed for it with a gunshot to the foot.

“fuck!” changbin screamed, falling to the floor in agony, holding his foot to try and stop the bleeding. jeongin only started shaking harder.

he was scared, emotional and lost; anyone there could see it - but this made felix fear him more. if jeongin was scared, he was impossible to control.

as if sensing his worries, jeongin raised the gun and aimed it at felix’s head.

“get away, felix. or I’ll make you regret it.” jeongin spat, the trembling hands that once held the gun now steady and prepared for the worst - he no longer seemed scared. felix tensed up at his tone and took a timid step back.

felix threw his hands up in surrender, slowly moving away from changbin to try and save both of their lives - but jeongin didn’t look like he was relieved at that. he still remained tense and trembling, the gun fixated on the headshot of felix.

one pull of the trigger would kill him. instantly.

felix felt his whole body freeze at the thought, knowing his life was in the hands of someone that just shot his boyfriend in the foot, ruthlessly - and that terrified him. he didn’t attempt to speak, nor did he move any closer - felix didn’t move _at all_ , too afraid one move would kill him.

there was silence, deafening silence, for a while. jeongin’s hands continued to shake, and not for a second did he lower the gun. changbin kept hissing in pain, blood quickly flowing from his wound - but made no effort to ask for help, afraid to kill himself or his boyfriend. felix just stared up at his ruined best friend, not knowing what to do - would he really kill him?

the sound of a car pulling up closer to the three boys became increasingly louder as the clock struck 3:00AM - chan had arrived. upon seeing the blonde boy step out of the car, jeongin visibly relaxed, but he still held the gun firm and steady. felix let out his tears at the sound of chan’s feet hitting the floor, relieved he could be saved.

chan spotted changbin’s crumpled body on the floor, and looked at jeongin with tears in his eyes. clearly, this was unexpected even after last time. chan rushed to his side, wrapping his tie around the wound to prevent infection, all whilst jeongin watched in fear.

he feared chan.

but what was more terrifying, to now all four boys present, was the siren blaring through the darkness of the night - approaching their ensemble and filing police officers out. the officers raised their guns at jeongin, making changbin’s blood run cold.

the police were never good in situations like this. something bad was going to happen.

“drop your weapon! or we’ll be forced to shoot!” one officer shouted and jeongin visibly lost it. his shaking became uncontrollable and he began to hyperventilate - he was scared and lost, he didn’t know what he was doing. his eyes were wide in bewilderment and his hands gripped the gun as if it would save him.

changbin felt his heart stop. jeongin was going to shoot someone else.

“jeongin, breathe. come on, baby. deep breaths and just pass me the gun.” chan spoke softly in attempt to coarse jeongin into complying, but jeongin ignored him - that or his hearing was numbed by his fear. changbin couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. with the gun still focused on felix’s head, it was unlikely jeongin would move it - especially in a frenzy like this.

but he was going to use it regardless - he was just _so_ scared.

“i repeat: drop your weapons or we’ll-“

“stay back! stay back or i’ll shoot him! i’ll shoot him- right in the fucking head!” jeongin shook violently, his whole body racking with his panicked sobs whilst chan widened his eyes and took a step back. even he was scared now, and that terrified changbin. 

changbin looked toward felix who kept his gaze fixated on his best friend, hoping jeongin would catch his pleading gaze and let him go - but who was he kidding? jeongin didn’t even know who he was talking to right now, let alone who he was pointing his gun at.

changbin began to cry. he couldn’t lose felix. jeongin couldn’t take him, he couldn’t.

“sir, we need you to drop your weapon or we’ll shoot. this is the final time we’re asking.” the police officer’s tone seemed to soften as he felt jeongin’s pain and confusion. he sympathised, and that’s where he went wrong.

jeongin screamed; he screamed a heart-wrenching, blood-curdling scream before throwing the gun beside him and dropping to his knees. changbin let out a sigh of relief, exhaling all of his built-up anxiety he’d held in for almost an hour, and immediately looked for felix’s eyes - until he realised.

jeongin had pulled the trigger.

the gunshot rippled delicately across the water, like a skipping stone flying through the summer breeze; the sea waved calmly, dancing to the night’s song and revelling in it’s silent beauty.

though the reality of it all was slightly more horrifying.

six seconds was all it took for the officer to sympathise, and provoke jeongin to pull the trigger. six seconds to kill felix, but changbin along with it.

changbin fell to the floor. he didn’t scream, he didn’t cry. he just watched as his boyfriend’s body was thrown to the floor by the force of the shot - his body slamming against the ground harshly, but somewhat gracefully.

changbin, though it seemed fucked up, studied the dead boy’s face. the bullet hole buried into his forehead, the exit wound somewhere amongst the clump of purple hair - if it weren’t for the mess and the blood drowning his beautiful hair, felix would’ve been mistaken for being asleep.

he looked peaceful, fragile and beautiful - and it made changbin sick.

it made him angry, devastated and aware that jeongin _killed_ felix. he had taken away the best thing in his life away from him like it meant absolutely nothing. and changbin wasn’t going to let him off easy.

no.

in fact, he shot up, completely ignoring his fucked foot, and dived into jeongin - wrestling him to the floor and landing several punches on his tear stained face. and it was then that changbin really understood the situation. he really felt.

he screamed, gripping jeongin’s face harshly and throwing it to the side, straddling his body just to attack him more. changbin continuously released his anger on jeongin and shrugged off the arms of the police trying to save jeongin’s life. jeongin didn’t deserve to live - he killed the most important thing in his life.

“changbin, let him go! you’re going to kill him!” chan shouted, pulling changbin off the now unconscious boy’s body, watching as the police handcuffed jeongin and dragged him to one of the cars. changbin ripped himself from chan’s grip, wiping the stray tears he allowed himself to shed and collapsed onto the hard floor.

he watched as a police officer attended to the discarded body, throwing a body bag over it before asking a colleague for help. changbin was infuriated. they were treating him like fucking nothing, reducing him to nothing but a bag and a tag on his foot. changbin turned away, the urge to throw up in fear engulfing him. he was nothing but a body now.

he was gone, and changbin couldn’t do it.

“i’m going.” changbin muttered, struggling to stand but eventually succeeding, and began limping to his car. he didn’t know how was going to drive with a hole in his foot, but he wasn’t going to spend another minute with a monster’s boyfriend. chan looked confused and followed, grabbing changbin’s arm to get some sort of explanation.

“changbin? what do you mean you’re leaving-“

“i was going to spend my life with him, chan! we were going to get married, grow old together and just be in fucking love! now what the fuck am i meant to do? he’s fucking dead because of you. because you were too busy to come and save your own boyfriend!” changbin screamed, pushing chan harshly away from him, walking as fast as he could to his car.

“this is not my fault! felix provoked him-“ chan was cut off by a sharp look from changbin, watching as the shorter boy walked over to him and pressed a finger into his chest - hard enough the pierce the skin slightly with his nail.

“you. will _not_ blame him for your fucking mental boyfriend’s actions. he did nothing but care for him and try to help. you do not stand here and tell me jeongin shot him because he provoked when you fucking know what happened!” changbin gritted his teeth, trying to prevent himself from lashing out physically at chan, but it wasn’t going too well.

chan was persistent on defending jeongin.

“jeongin isn’t mental-“

“you know it, chan. he’s needed help for too long, just admit you were scared to get him help because you didn’t want to lose him. and then you can admit it’s your fault the love of my life is dead.” changbin spat, not giving chan the chance to respond, and ran to his car. it hurt like a bitch, but he couldn’t stand next to chan with pout punching him.

changbin threw himself in the car seat and gripped the steering wheel. he dug his nails deep into the leather, picturing felix’s lifeless body laying in front of him once again. it only made him angrier, eventually tearing the left side of his wheel until there was a large rip down the material.

and it was then that changbin looked out the glass at the black, prominent body bag that lay in the middle of the pier - alone - that he broke down in tears. he screamed in agony, hitting his already tortured wheel with his fist as he cried.

the tears were continuous, but he cried until his voice gave up and there was nothing but wet cheeks to show his pain. he tugged at his hair, overwhelmed with emotion he didn’t know what to do. felix would usually be sat next to him when he had moments like this - moments where he just needed to cry it all out - threading his small fingers through changbin’s hair and hugging him tightly.

god, changbin missed his embrace already.

if changbin knew he was kissing felix for the last time this morning, he would’ve held onto it forever. he would’ve closed his eyes and lived in that moment for the rest of his life. even if not forever, he would’ve held onto the feeling of their lips pressed together just a little bit longer.

minutes, seconds - just one more time.

couldn’t he just have felix next to him for six more seconds? to watch him smile, hear him laugh, kiss his lips, hold his hand - anything, but just six more?

changbin gasped for air, his cries so loud and heavy that he was becoming breathless. he wiped his cheeks and took deep breaths, putting his seat belt on and looking ahead of him. he turned on his car and, even if it fucking hurt, he stepped on the gas and left the pier.

he didn’t know where he was going, what he was doing or how he would cope - but he did know that he needed to stay far away from jeongin and anyone related. he knew all he wanted was felix beside him, singing along to the radio and watching the stars with him - but he couldn’t have that anymore.

felix was gone.

so, changbin looked up at the stars that glistened so brightly that night and smiled. “i love you, lixie. always.” changbin focused on one star with his eyes, pointing up at it as he waited in traffic and let a single tear roll down his cheek.

if felix wasn’t here with him now, he’d always find him in the stars.

always.


End file.
